“Anti-Anxiety Questions”

An excerpt from Therapizing the Spirit

By Kristen Tryniszewski

We all have things in life that bother us, but sometimes we may overreact or give the situation more attention than it deserves. Worrying is normal. Stress can even be helpful. But anxiety, especially when unwarranted, can exasperate things and cause us to feel helpless or overwhelmed. By asking ourselves these questions, however, we can help to reframe our thoughts and shift our perspective so that it becomes less of a big deal and in turn, more manageable. 

So, the next time you find yourself faced with a dilemma or problem of some kind (perhaps your co-worker got promoted instead of you or you’ve got a first date coming up that you’re worried about), run through the scenario with each of the following questions in mind and answer them honestly (note: you may need to use a little critical thinking here because anxiety has a way of defying logic). If after careful consideration you find that most of your answers reflect the latter option (i.e., those printed in red), then perhaps you should consider the following: this thing that you’re worried about does not deserve all of your time and energy. It is but a minor issue and it is something you can and will handle. So relax a little. You’re fine.

·       Is what’s bothering me really happening or in my head/imaginary?

·       If futuristic, is this situation likely to happen or unlikely?

·       Am I being level-headed for the situation or dramatic and extreme?

·       Is this really hurting me or others on a significant level or is it more just upsetting?

·       Is there evidence to support my anxious thought/reaction or not? 

·       Is there evidence to support any opposing or positive thought or not?

·       Is the situation permanent or temporary?

·       Am I upset about just this one thing or is there something else bothering me too?

·       Is this personal or could it be about something else?

·       Is it all terrible or are there any positives/benefits to this situation?

·       Is my initial feeling/reaction helping the situation or making it worse?

·       Is this problem in or out of my control? 

·       Am I completely helpless or is there something I can do to help or fix it in some way?

·       Does this require my immediate attention or can I take a break from the problem and distract myself?

·       Am I in this alone or can I reach out to others for help and support?

Now I know what you may be thinking - ‘What if my answers aren’t in red?’ Well, the truth is, if you’ve answered them honestly and could not come up with a single red answer, then I’m afraid what you have here is a truly unfortunate circumstance. That’s just the way life goes sometimes, right? It sucks (I know, not super helpful), but at least this way you know for sure that the anxiety you’re experiencing is justified. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re just dealing with something pretty awful and dammit you’re probably  doing the best that you can.